THE As

*apples at work, many a crate to carry back and forth, many a back muscle to strain. hooray for our lugging-boy with the sparkly smile.

*assholes in my favourite hang-out spots, making it a chore rather than a pleasure to be there.

*aptitude for bitchiness, i'll get myself in trouble again soon... maybe i have already. my bad rep... la chica mala.

*asymetry, one of my favourite things, though perhaps it's time for some balance in my world. time to get sorted.

*aneurism: don't want to have one. who told me the story about the chick who died in the theatre?

*aardvark, never seen one, probably never will. not a big weight on my mind.

*aliens in my head, strange uncomfortable thoughts.

a new day, a new heartache.
one more friend gone. one maybe dead.
and one who made me feel better than i thought was possible today.
been talking art, how i've *missed* that. perhaps a collaboration.
been drinking coffee, smoking cigs, getting jittery and inspired to get my life back.
despite all the crap and confusion that is around me at the moment, i'm feeling alright.
loved up over my piko family. i'm ok.

so obviously i'm having hinky template issues...

a girl who i once considered my closest friend just called me. we became not-friends a year or so ago, and this is the first contact initiated by either of us. i'm a little freaked out. ok, i'm more than a little freaked out, i'm *very* freaked out.
i seriously thought that i'd never in a million years hear from her. it's just so unlike her to call me. what does she want from me? what is her motive? my heart is racing, and i feel a bit shaky.
*fuuuuck*
i've spent so much time wishing that she'd just get out of my life (we have mutual friends, and 'friends', you see) and suddenly she's back in a big way. i don't know whether i want this. but a small part of me is excited at the prospect of spending time with her again. because i have missed her, and i've spent a lot of time thinking about our friendship.
i'm not sure whether i can do this with her. i've been happier without the bullshit she created. but still it lingers, and maybe this is my chance to sort some of it out. surely if she called me she may be willing to actually talk about it?but maybe not, with her it is so hard to tell. perhaps she wants to pretend it never happened.
perhaps i do too. but i know that eventually it'd get to be too much to avoid, and i'd have to say something. this is too much right now. too fucking much.

right... i'm in sydney. with fishboy.
haven't felt this comfortable and relaxed in i don't know how long.
*contented sigh*
x

i can't blog because it's not alright to write about what's going on. and there's no room in my life for anything else at the moment. sorry. i'll try and write a proper post soon.
x

it's rough when someone you like tries to end their life. especially when you're on the other side of the world and there's fuck all you can do to help.
aaargh!