Thursday, May 27, 2004

a very much shortened version of the children rant... what is this obsession with procreation? look at the world you're bringing them into! wake up!
and this is from the Press (tues, may 25)
a) *mothers who let their violent partners bash their children face jail if they stand by and fail to report attacks, a judge warns*
this mother is a primary school teacher. someone who, one would assume, actually quite likes kids. she watched as her partner broke the baby's leg. and ribs. didn't do a fucking thing.
b) *drug addict stole children's piggy bank* ...ok, so this one isn't quite so disturbing, but still. the judge said "this must have seemed like pennies from heaven for you". hmm. i wonder about the intelligence levels of judge colin doherty. or maybe he thought it was actually funny. anyhow, another shit thing happens to a kid. wooo.
c) *grief-stricken parents are angry at an 'insensitive' christchurch city council letter asking them to remove decorations from their children's graves*. and rightly so, methinks. this particular couple have been told that their child's grave needs to be used as a space to temporarily place soil for a new grave. nice, really fucking nice.
please note, dear readers, that these 3 stories are all within the first 3 pages of yesterday's paper. i chose to read no further.

Friday, May 21, 2004

AP: Fire Destroys Bush Presidential Library

WASHINGTON- A tragic fire on Monday destroyed the personal library of
President George W. Bush.

Both of his books have been lost. Presidential spokesman Scott McLelland
said the president was devastated, as he had not yet finished coloring the
second one.

*there you have it... my only political post. ever.
borrowed from amy.
last night i hacked all my hair off. again. it grows to a certain length, and then i impulsively chop it off. good feeling. and, to make the experience more memorable, i created a lovely mullet at the inbetween stages... and took a photo. if i can figure out how to do it i'll post it on here some time. hee hee, it was *so* fucking bad.
feels great to have short hair again. and i have a great hat to cover it up with. the thing i'm least looking forward to is all the comments from customers at work. *sigh* o well, i guess that's what you get when you do something different. and don't get me started on a rant about that! [us humans are so damn good at keeping each other in boxes, no room for change or growth, so stifling]
...well, i told you not to get me started.

Sunday, May 16, 2004

ahoy hoy.
(graham alexander bell. mr burns. dana king. take your pick)
3.20am, still up. been playing with 'las chicas malas', an entirely enjoyable experience. and yet another late night (why o why did i get a computer???).
that date-that-wasn't-a-date really wasn't a date. it was nice spending a bit of time with the girl, but definately no vibe [for want of a less-naff word]. good. phew.
a day off tomorrow... *huzzah* ...what to do? i want to go and buy some big black boots. docs. hideously expensive, of course. and i suppose there will also be the obligatory parental visit.
and maybe i'll treat myself to some new bed linen. ( "oh!" i hear you gasp, "that eroica lives such an exciting life!")
on my to do list:
-learn spanish, at least rudimentary.
-clean room, so at least i can walk from one end to the other without fear of serious injury.
-write all those letters i've been meaning to.
-catch moths for billy fritz.
-cook a decent meal, and actually *eat* it. very important, should perhaps be at top of list.
-return cd to library, and aviod getting anything else out.
-which leads nicely to... read all the books i've got lying around half finished.
just had a thought... greg must have left nz again by now. or in the next couple of days anyway. didn't see him again after that afternoon we spent together. hope he doesn't feel bad about that, i don't!
went out with some friends last night, for a thai dinner and catch-up. i found myself zoning out from the conversations though, what a shitty friend i am. but, to be quite honest, there is only so much talk of male anatomy that i can handle. call me queer...
well, yes, call me queer.
enough for now.

Thursday, May 13, 2004

well, i just bought a pouch of tobacco. for the first time since august 2002. fuck. not a good sign. not at all. and i'm *enjoying* it. sure, makes me feel really shit physically, and not exactly wonderful for the self esteem either (smoking has always been a favouite way of hurting myself, not entirely subconsciously). but i just want it so much at the moment.
what to do? i don't want to be a smoker, not really. my mind is playing tricks on me. harsh, unhealthy, detrimental tricks.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

have added a new link, take a squint sometime. yes, there, to your right...
o, and make sure you check out the comments!

Monday, May 10, 2004

this is how meaningless my life is: i just flicked through a Homecare ("we bring the store to your home") magazine, in the hope of finding a blender-cum-grater-cum-neckmassager, or something equally worthwhile on which to spend my hard-earned money. gaaaa!
honest truth? i'm really fucked off today. hated being at work, all those damn customers, even began to dislike my workmates towards the end of the day. grrr. then i came home to surly flatmates, and a message to call the landlord because our rent is fucking up. WHY CAN'T MARCE OR BEX DO IT??? apparently i am the only one for the job. hah. and it also pisses me off that whenever i get home, no matter of what time of night or day it is, billy bob is outside in the cold. so, yeah, i'm feeling a bit anti towards the flatmates tonight. though bex did just give me some chocolate, so she gets a couple of points. *sigh*
i'm all funny about what i post now, feel like i need more substance in my writing... o god, i'm getting insecure about this, along with everything else. joy.
maybe i'll quit blogging. (yuck, such an ugly word, blogging)

Friday, May 07, 2004
10 hour work day on 5 hours sleep has left me feeling a tad jaded. was offered a spot in a warm bed, but turned it down in favour of my own. i'm *so* looking forward to waking up in my comfortable bed, at whatever time i do, no alarm clock. mmm.
have been idly mulling over a few things that i may, at some point, write about. feel like i need a good rant. i might get rid of the stat counter i set up yesterday, it'll just depress me. ha ha, not really. but i still reckon it's got to go. unnecessary paraphernalia. deleted another link yesterday, too.
*lost in thought*
ok, bed time for this girl. happy thoughts to all of you.
night night.

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

i've been feeling 'sane' today. or at least saner. it's been nice, makes a good change to recent crazyness. today wasn't really great in any particluar way, just kind of normal. some happy faces at work, which recently have been frowny faces. i'm glad. not nice to see people obviously not enjoying themselves.
been discovering the weird world of chat these last couple of days. another way to waste *much* time! i was meant to go and sort out my WOF this morning, but by the time i managed to drag myself away from the 'puter it was time for work. must do it tomorrow... (much willpower will be required! wish me luck, or strength, or something!)
today one of my favourite customers asked me to go and have offee some time this week. :-)
she's very cute, i've had a bit of a thing about her for ages. not sure of her 'intentions' in asking me.[no doubt entirely without dodgyness...]
hmm. not sure, not sure at all.
is she gay, or isn't she?
bought a food magazine today (very unlike me) because it had some cool looking mexican recipes in it... on further perusal i got the impression they're actually rather shit. ah well. o yeah, i had a piece of sapote (aka mexican apple) today. yum! you tried it? such a weird texture. and taste. pity they don't grow in my part of the globe.
was told recently by a friend that my site doesn't invite comments, that it's self-contained. or some bollox to that effect. not sure what that actually means... am i meant to be writing some sort of literary diatribe about controversial 'issues'?
ok, i'm over it now.

Monday, May 03, 2004

aah, the joys of instant messaging.
confusing when involved in more than one conversation. fun though. been chatting with two dear friends, and emailing another. makes the loneliness subside somewhat. and i've only had one gin... just enough to make me feel really gross. so i stopped. and ate organic chocolate instead (bittersweet, the best i can get my hands on at the moment). not really a good combination...
went in to work today (yes, a sunday) for a few hours of quiet packing by myself... 2 people were there cleaning, 2 more arrived to pack shortly afterwards, and then one more for chocolate and a chat. bizzy wee place, even on a sunday. so much for my quiet packing. though i did enjoy the company, at least most of the time.
my rent has got kinda high. i must actually use my "studio" [hah] to make it at least maybe worth while. ideally i'd like to be making at least what i pay in extra rent each week from my creative stuff. haven't really got a plan yet, feel free to give me your opinions...
would be cool if i could somehow do some sort of gallery of some of my stuff online. not for marketing purposes (marketing! erk!!), but rather for your viewing pleasure (i don't think it'd be pain?)
i should go to bed. it's nearly 3am.
my bed is so big and empty.

Saturday, May 01, 2004

been dissed on msn chat. gee, my life is so great. fuck this.
*squelchy feeling stomach
*scratchy eyes
*vacant gaze
*aching bones
*sore chest
*fuzzy teeth
*cold feet

yep, i drank last night. and had a couple of cigarettes.
bad habits. good company. musn't start smoking again, that'd be very dumb. it's been nearly 2 years since i stopped. i'm not a smoker. i don't see myself as a smoker in the future, therefore there's no point in smoking now. it's not me. but a part of me still just WANTS THAT HABIT! the ritual. i feel weak, like i've failed. i don't like myself much when i smoke. and i smoke when i don't like myself much. *sigh*
got a bach flower remedy made for me yesterday. maybe it'll help. i hope so. i'm over feeling so emotional all the damn time, but the thought of being void of all emotion is even worse. i know i'll be okay eventually, i always am. at least i'm aware of that... though the knowledge doesn't really help me in the present. meh.