here's a story to make you laugh. when i was about 6 or 7 i started having swimming lessons. our teacher was a nasty man, didn't like kids much i think. the bastard made me swim in the deep pool with no floaty things for my arms (bearing in mind that i hadn't actually been taught to float at this stage) and i so vividly remember screaming at him "blue blistering barnacles!" he must've thought me a very strange wee whippersnapper.