COOLiNG

i woke up cold this morning, for the first time in months! the season is changing, just in the last few days there's been a chill in the air at night. it's 15deg now, as opposed to the 28+ i've become accustomed to at this time of day. suddenly our little concrete floored house doesn't seem quite so cosy.

a question:

if i wasn't living here, where would i be? in tasmania for a few months with petrina? back to melbourne for a cold winter? chch for a colder one? the UK to see c&s get married?

i need to refuel on the things that make me smile.

i'm going to whinge for a bit now. close your eyes if you don't want to see it.
work. it's shit. i cook boring unhealthy food for people who expect no better, and the rest of the time i clean. i hate cleaning! i hate it even more when it's barely necessary, but serves as a time-filler.
i don't get paid enough, and the money i do earn often doesn't turn up in my account for lengthy periods of time. it shouldn't become my problem that my boss is broke and disorganised, right? don't even get me started on her time in lieu system.
i am tempted to find other work, but at the same time i am hesitant to do that as i don't really want to be here for long. but at this rate, i'm not saving much money. what to do?

there are so many things i avoid thinking about, or writing about these days. i have my head in the sand. i don't want to face the reality of my messed up situation. i don't want to be with v, but i don't want to be without her.

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i'm going to try to write here more often.