Thursday, August 19, 2004

first time i've been out is *so* long, and it was actually really good! yes, i am suprised...
love that reggae scene, i'd forgotten how good a feeling it is to be a part of it. happy happy... very glad that i went, very glad that i stayed past that initial 5 minutes of going 'o fuck, not another damn pub full of drunk assholes'.
big smile to all the dread-locked kids...
i had the fortune to bump into a few people who i love dearly, and don't see nearly enough of, due to total lifestyle differences. and i remembered tonight: it's not always so hard to be open and friendly and, well, *happy*.
i was thinking about my father, miserable on the other side of the world, and then realised that it was ok to be having a good time with a bunch of strangers, and that i didn't have to be worrying about him. i care a lot, but it's futile to worry. he needs to go through this shit, and hopefully (hopefully!) he'll come out the other end feeling better about himself and his life, and his bloody kids! o, the dramas that are so inevitable in my convoluted family (and in most families too i know). the fear of not being loved, or not loving enough... we tie ourselves in infinite knots and tangles. but it's ok, i've got to stop trying to fix them all, i could so easily spend the rest of my life doing it, and then come to the end and realise that they're still tangled, and i haven't lived my life for me...
so anyways... cornerstone roots... a good night, a content feeling, a smile on my face.
much love to all my friends (especially those reading this, as they're the only ones that count really... ha ha ha... leave a comment damn you all!) and my dear fucked-up family, and all those people who aren't family or friends but still could do with some love.

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