Sunday, March 19, 2006


things that sucked about the erotica lifestyle expo last weekend:

jasmin the aussie porn star. all silicon tanned blondness. *gag*
(if one so desired, a photo of oneself with aforementioned floozie draped upon aforementioned self could be purchased for some suprisingly high price) (there was also some porn-bloke who reminded me of tarzan available for photos)

the "wangs R us" style sex-toy-best-left-in-the-catalogue stalls. how many versions of a super life-like 24 inch dong do i need to be offered???

aargh, and the dvds. *yawn* *retch* *eye-roll*
my favourite title of the evening --> "i like it black, and deep in my ass: vol. 3"

the entry fee. i certainly didn't get my $15 dollars worth.

the old guys with pot bellies wearing nip-clamps at the ONE bondage stall. and the fact that all their gear is made from animal products.

the crowds of typical bloody christchurch rugby types. especially the ones right up at the stage, getting the best view of the worst jasmin had to offer. *shudder* gross leery drooly lumps of flesh that they are.

listening to one of my creepier customers asking someone how exactly to find the g-spot, and nodding very enthusiastically at the explanation. pfff as if you're EVER gonna get laid, buddy.

the not so bad stuff:

well, the highlight (predictably) was the d-vice stall. charming and bent as ever, those girls have class. and their toys are undoubtably the best on the market. girls and boys, when searching for your next plaything you need go no further.

bumping into steve how's-your-mother gurney at the g-spot talk, after having spent the previous evening in his delightful/odd company. he was as pleased to see us as we were to see him. and our presence didn't stop him asking questions. (yeh, him and that creepy customer)

a video of a very cool session in which a woman grew wings and flew... (think pegs, think feathers, think needles and whips)

favourite invention: a vibrating glove. hehe. made my scalp tingle.

in summary: very tacky, very hetero, not nearly kinky enough.

in other news: this weekend i have walked on a hill, eaten pasta salad, slept to the sound of the sea, decided on a holiday and then had it pulled from under my feet, been peed at (not on) by a hyperactive poohuahua, done rude things against a wall, bought a book i've been trying to find for years, and had a serious-ish talk about the direction 'we' are headed.
so how about you?

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