i've discovered a very good book. 'in the devil's garden' by stuart lee allen (the coffee guy). it's fascinating! written in sections that correspond to the 7 deadly sins.
some very kinky things in the lust section. like this... The Marquis de Sade
recommends a simple breakfast: a plain omelet served piping hot on the buttocks of a naked woman and eaten with "an exceedingly sharp fork".
love it! there's also some fabulous recipes that i intend to try out. one for a south american chocolate drink. with chili peppers. yum. to be served in a gold-lined tortoise shell.
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i'm starting to get nervous about who's reading this thing. i don't want that to happen, i want this to be as 'real' as it can be. that means not
worrying about opinions... a bit hard. it's okay with the "strangers", i'm just
worried about [some of] the friends and family who have this web address. eeek!
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i may go and meet carlene in bangkok in november. just a thought at this stage. it'd probably be for about 2 weeks. if i started saving all my excess pay now i could totally do it. 6 months.
funny how a 2 line text message can ignite all sorts of ideas, plans, dreams... ah, the human mind is a bizarre and wonderful thing. of course, my other option is to go and see jeff in sydney. also very tempting.
already i'm missing him heaps. only a week! already this is the longest we've not seen each other in the entirety of our friendship. weird.
at a party i made the mistake of going to the night he left it was kindly brought to my attention by someone that "people come and go". who the fuck says that shit??? yeah, real helpfull. thanks a million. she then went on to say that maybe i should move to sydney... to which i replied that that was hardly the point, and anyway i didn't actually want to because i have a really great job here that i love. and a life.
"but you could get something like it [the job] over there"
"ah, no i couldn't."
...silence...
"oh my god, guess WHAT?!? i'm leaving in 15 days!"
"yeah? where are you going?"
"spain. i've got a one-way ticket"
"oh, that's great!"
"you HAVE to come to my going away party"
"er, yeah, i'll check my diary..."

[yes, a one way ticket! great it really fucking is...]

damn it, why am i so honest when people ask me how i am? it'd be so much easier to smile and say "fine thanks"... but i JUST CAN'T DO IT! it's so pathetic and fake and superficial and pointless! if i don't want to know how people ACTUALLY are, i don't ask the question. grrr, humans are so lame.
not all humans. i've been spending quite a bit of time with 2 very un-lame women of late.
on thursday ami and i went and had coffee at the Cup, where we took much delight in texting ariel, and drawing strange pictures...
then we went and delivered aforementioned pictures to aforementioned ariel. ate freshly roasted chestnuts with her and her canadian friend, and generally made ourselves at home. ami and i were very giggly, not entirely sure why. but good to feel so happy, it'd been a while. we found a hit cat on the way home, so took it to the after-hours vet. hope it's okay. it seemed to be getting livlier when we left. i rang the spca the next day, it was still alive.
i've been drinking too much. well, not to much really, but definately too frequently. gin. just enough to "take the edge off". bad day on saturday, much crying. [aaargh! get a grip!]
first cigarette in nearly 2 years. first game of backgammon ever. i won. ariel taught me well. i'd like to draw her i think. how hard it is, though, to honestly capture soul and personality on paper.
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i'm rambling.