well, i just bought a pouch of tobacco. for the first time since august 2002. fuck. not a good sign. not at all. and i'm *enjoying* it. sure, makes me feel really shit physically, and not exactly wonderful for the self esteem either (smoking has always been a favouite way of hurting myself, not entirely subconsciously). but i just want it so much at the moment.
what to do? i don't want to be a smoker, not really. my mind is playing tricks on me. harsh, unhealthy, detrimental tricks.