Saturday, May 01, 2004

*squelchy feeling stomach
*scratchy eyes
*vacant gaze
*aching bones
*sore chest
*fuzzy teeth
*cold feet

yep, i drank last night. and had a couple of cigarettes.
bad habits. good company. musn't start smoking again, that'd be very dumb. it's been nearly 2 years since i stopped. i'm not a smoker. i don't see myself as a smoker in the future, therefore there's no point in smoking now. it's not me. but a part of me still just WANTS THAT HABIT! the ritual. i feel weak, like i've failed. i don't like myself much when i smoke. and i smoke when i don't like myself much. *sigh*
got a bach flower remedy made for me yesterday. maybe it'll help. i hope so. i'm over feeling so emotional all the damn time, but the thought of being void of all emotion is even worse. i know i'll be okay eventually, i always am. at least i'm aware of that... though the knowledge doesn't really help me in the present. meh.

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