Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Hello. ‘Tis me, yes. Surprised? Ah well, maybe next time. How are you all, my dears?
I feel quite anxious and even slightly emotionally tumultuous today. Perhaps in part due to the 4 coffees I’ve consumed. Perhaps in part due to the fact that my little sis is back off to Italy tomorrow, not to be seen for a long long time. And definitely partly because I have so little control over so many things. Yes, people and destinies (though I’m not entirely sure I even believe in that concept). And I know, too, that I shouldn’t want to control this stuff… but I do! I feel so helpless and fearful. Bugger. Fuck. Arse. It’s so damned hard being a human being! So much complex bullshit to deal with on a daily basis. People, aaargh! I know a few people who relate to that, and at times like this I appreciate them more than ever. I don’t want to pretend that I love everyone and everything, because at the moment I don’t. and people see it as such a bad thing to be cynical and jaded, but I see it as a sane thing.
I’m going to really miss Helen. Though, on a brighter note, I got a text from a friend in Australia saying that she’s headed home. Good-oh. Will be cool to see the little slapper… (heh heh. I’m half joking…)
As to the other things on my overcrowded mind, they’ll have to just hang out for a while. There’s fuck all I can do about any of it really. Must try and stop thinking and feeling, it’s bad for me.
I bid you adieu.

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