bay of islands here i come...
wheeeeeeeee

after a couple of days of dealing with the consequences of a big fucking fuckup on my part (don't even think about asking, i'm not sharing this one), my girl and i have this new lease of love for each other. it's delicious and inspiring and all-consuming, and now she's GONE for 5 whole days. *whimper*
whimper aside, it's nice having a chance to miss her and crave her... and know that next time i see her it'll be in a different city and we'll be embarking on a week of relaxing and lounging and sunning and chatting and loving.
i'm so fucking lucky. so lucky.
x

LOOKiE HERE

firstly, all the kids are talking about it
secondly, i've been posting more over at the other blog than i have been here. go have a peek if you like, this poem is great and you should ALL READ IT. now. thank you.

FOR FRANK...

...and apologies for the wait.

MORE REQUESTS

* brighton pier "as you see it" for boo

* a mystical winter morning (emphasis on the mystical element) for my sweet girl.

(and no, i haven't forgotten frank's kitten... i've just forgotten how to draw them)

ALRiGHT THEN...

*grumble*
i had some issues getting this project done, after seeing the results of vanessa's efforts. but, after giving myself a hard time for a) being crap, and b) procrastinating, i just thought fuck it, this is not about being good at art, it's about getting back into my creativity. these are excercises in creativity, and i need to just _do_ them and not beat myself up over the results. so here we are, two pics that are to my eyes ugly, but they serve the purpose of this excercise.
...cafe sketch for vanessa... ta daa....

THE WAiT iS OVER...

yup, that's right, i followed through. twice infact.
so here you go mike and fishboy.















mike, incase you're wondering about the subject matter, those sculptures by paratene matchett are one of my favourite things about wellington. so to me it totally sums up "something wellington". and the silver splatters... rain of course.
and thanks for bearing with me fb, it worked out in the end. spring colours, and freesias (favourite spring smell). oh, and the pic of tulips in the top left-ish? ...from a packet of tissues. yep, it's hayfever season for me. :-)
***
coming soon: cafe scene for vanessa, and a kittykat for frank.

ART BiTS

so, i have four projects to work on:

*draw a cafe scene for vanessa

*paint something wellington for mike

*a spring-theme collage for fishfiend

*draw a kitten for frank-of-no-link ;-)

eek! but at the same time, yay! so give me a few days or a week or something and i'll get back to you with pics to prove it.
x

HELP ME OUT HERE

in an attempt to get back into doing some art, i've asked my good friend fishmaster to set me some sort of small creative project each week... and to make sure i do it. thanks for agreeing to do it, fb. so to prove that i am sticking to it i'll post each one on here. and any of you readers out there (hello? hello?) let it be known that you're all more than welcome to make artistic requests of me. it's my challenge to you... go on, i dare you.

i don't seem to be able to find the words to write about rod's funeral yesterday. it was very moving, and has left me with a feeling of overwhelming sadness and loss, and at the same time a sparkle of inspiration. perhaps i'll be able to write more some other time.
for those of you who aren't bookcrossers, sign up NOW. please. it's worth while spending a couple of minutes discovering it. such a great idea. oh, and if you'd like to list me (bo-star) as the person who referred you, then all the better. makes my profile look good. ;-)
right, back to my clutter clearing. and more on that later no doubt...
x

fucking blogger ate my post.
i am really gutted that rod donald is dead. he was a good man.
i have no words.

HOLDiNG THE HUMBUG AT BAY...

promise
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

ps. it's eroicaunderscorenzatyahoodotcom

My blog is worth $3,951.78.
How much is your blog worth?

...and for my next trick i'm going to eat sundried tomatoes...

THiS PiSSES ME RiGHT OFF

misleading bullshit cartoons in the local rag.
*grumble*

FEETS AT PUNAKAiKi

feet3
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

back from a wonderful weekend away... spent this morning sitting by a river drawing. mmm, love it. i'll write more soon, perhaps a real update! wow.
xxxx

GOiNG BUSH

in an hour i am getting in a cute red car with a cute (not red) girl, and going to the coast for the weekend. hours of lazing and reading and writing and gazing and walking and smiling and yawning and eating and doing rude stuff. yay!
this is where we're staying... Te Nikau Retreat. mmm, i'm so excited, i *love* punakaiki and i haven't been in a few years.
see you next week m'dears. expect pictures.
xxxxx

LAZY SUNDAY

harbour view
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

once upon a sunny sunday i took it into my head to go driving. no destination in mind, i ended up in lyttelton. "well," i thought to myself, "i can either go wander some shops and drink some sort of a beverage, or i can go check out the ferry timetable".
so i did the latter, and afore long i was sitting on a little wee boat to diamond harbour. delicious sun-drenched quiet beautiful diamond harbour.
off the ferry i jumped, and up the hill i bounded. past the tree, with a smile on my face, and up to godley house.
where i drank beer.
in the sun.
on the lawn.
alone.
and i wrote.
and sat with eyes closed soaking up the sun.
and wrote some more.
and drank beer.
and took photos.
and smiled.
and sighed contentedly.
and watched people.
and just sat.
and thought.
and imagined.
and smiled.
it was *everything* i needed today.

GEEZ, TELL ME ABOUT iT...

thank you saltation... for this
a chord is struck.

delicious besottment, oozing... creeping... lava-like... burning...
where will it lead?

i love this. have a look when you've got a free minute.

THE 7 THiNGS MEME... iT'S DOiNG THE ROUNDS...

Seven Things I Plan To Do Before I Die

1. have a book published
2. spend time in mexico
3. yoga
4. exhibit paintings (mine)
5. love being me
6. own a business
7. drink coffee with michelle

Seven Things I Can Do

1. sarcasm
2. type with all my fingers
3. make a girl cum
4. get stuck
5. cook quinoa and couscous to perfection
6. hold a tune
7. speak proper ( i just choose not to)

Seven Things I Can Not Do

1. any sort of gymnastical move, including headstand
2. hold back giggles
3. roll my Rs
4. speak another language
5. eat mashed parsnip
6. be nice when i don't mean it
7. changer a washer

Seven Things That I Find Really Attractive About The Opposite Sex

1. their arms
2. their solidness
3. their ability to change washers and the like.
4. they can be cute and geeky and all shy and stuff
5. their height
6. there must be something else... *wracking brain*
7. i'll get back to ya.

Seven Things That I Find Really Attractive About The Same Sex

1. their hands
2. their bodies
3. their gentleness
4. their freckles
5. their strength.
6. their laughter
7. their sounds

Seven Things I Say The Most

1. wot?
2. 4 o'clock
3. you're cute.
4. fucksticks
5. cool.
6. hello, piko wholefoods...
7. i don't know, sorry

Seven Books I Love

1. the bone people, keri hulme
2. on mexican time, tony cohan
3. clear your clutter with feng shui, karen kingston
4. the devil's cup, stuart lee allen
5. the fires of bride, ellen galford
6. the blue lawn, william taylor
7. whale rider, witi ihimaera

EXCiTEMENT iN THE MORNiNG

meee: check out this pic...hang on...
meee: a car did this. it's the barbadoes side of the building.

fb: woah. That's full on
fb: I take it the car is worse off?
me: yeah. and they took out this too...

me: so no power... which meant no tills and all the coolers were becoming salmonella-storage-units
fb: yeech
me: yuppers
me: we assumed it was a boyracer, luckily it happened before any of us arrived. pretty full-on start to our piko day thought! police and insurance guys and guy trying to reconnect power..etc
fb: did they catch the boyracer?
me: then a couple of hours later this older guy comes in and tells us it was him.. taxi driver. swerved to avoid ducks. hehe.
me: he was really cute .. said "i'm a vegetarian and i had to avoid the ducks and i can't BELIEVE i hit a vegetarian store" hahahha
fb: classic!
fb: that's so brilliant
me: poor guy, it must've really shaken him up... it was a pretty hearty smash
fb: you *have* to blog that
me: yeah, guess i do huh.

girl with roses

girl with roses
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

a post for my newest reader...
hello there blue-eyed cutie.
welcome to my little world. put your feet up, make yourself at home.
and just close your eyes and stick your fingers in your ears if it gets too much.

check out this. link thanks to this guy.
i feel like i'm talking to myself when i blog these days.
is there anybody out there?

BUENA ViSTA SOCiAL CLUB, CHRiSTCHURCH

talk like a pirate day, sept 19th.

MY BOY HAD A BABY!

oli, that infamous kazoo-playing buddy of mine, has become a dad.
i'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now!
wow...
my first close friend to have a kid.
so i gotta book a ticket to wellie in the next few months!
***
here's a bit of the email he sent:
"I am the proudest Dad in the world, Olivia is the most beautiful little baby
girl I have ever seen but I am a bit biased and I sat and cried my eyes out in total happiness."

magnolia4
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

iT GETS BETTER...

ouch ouch ouch
what do i do now? her [ex]husband has started sending me emails.
i'm fucking shattered. no idea what to do with this.
i'm not replying to them, but i sure as hell don't want him to keep writing to me.
there's only so much of this i can take. the guilt is pretty immense right now, i feel like a fucking loser. and i know that it's mostly
his shit not mine, but fuck it hurts.
i just want to be curled up with people who care about me and i can't have that, i've got to keep this damn smile on my face and pretend like i'm coping just fine. and right now i'm not. i want a fucking hug. so so so much.
what the fuck do i do now?
tell me, someone.

FUNKiNG IT UP

magnetic funk played at the dux last night, fabulous local 5 piece funk and soul outfit. i'd seen them once before and quite frankly, they are the best live music i've discovered in an age and a half.
i had been having a shitter of a day and was feeling physically revolting.. but i was totally looking forward to a night out with the girl, and our two buddies. so when T told me she wasn't going to make it i was a little upset. but i thought fuck it, i can either stay at home and be sad and worry about her, or i can go and have a good night with two awesome friends. i chose the latter, and i'm so very glad i did.
great to get up and have a dance, it's not something i do often.. but it felt good to just get over it and have fun, get into it, let go a bit. and funk has gotta be the best form of music to get funky to. *giggling*
so although i was girl-less, i had a fabulous night. actually i think it was better for being out without her. i needed a break from all the emotion... it's pretty intense at the moment. lots going on, lots on my mind, lots of moments of almost-angst (i control them on the whole... twitch twitch).
HOOOORAY for funk and hooray for my funking friends. hooray for ginger tom, hooray for being hit on by 2 very odd boys (whyyyy, i ask..), hooray for not nearly enough sleep last night. so that's where i'm going now... back to bed. call me if you need me.

ps. it was new moon last night, in virgo...
"Though it can be hard to do, this is the New Moon to realize that we each have a duty to heal ourselves by reaching out to heal others. The secret is when you heal the pain around you; you end up healing your own pain as well. So look to those less fortunate and in need of your help: they are your salvation and the true path to healing your own internal suffering. And by the way, you can't heal the planet if you won't take responsibility for your own health and well-being."
©2005 Lisa Dale Miller
*ahem*

GOOD

sometimes, i've discovered, one needs to just drop everything and be good to oneself.
right now that means organic chocolate and chinnoh (best hot drink ever, after coffee),
listening to The Brunettes- Holding Hands, Feeding Ducks. loving this album.
yesterday it meant red sneakers, finger puppets, and mushrooms. and two inspiring vegan cookbooks from scorpio.
tomorrow it might mean taking a few minutes out to read my book in the middle of the day.

EXCUSES, EXCUSES.

no updates coz i've been a sick little bunny. flu, i mean.
but there's lots i'd like to write about... meeting sarsparilla for one. an enchanting experience.
for now, read this and weep for me.

me: shit, brb, you reminded me i have to take my herbal stuff.
boo: ok
me: that stuff is FOUL
boo: is it
boo: lol
me: it's truly awful
boo: what in it
me: ecchinacea and ginger and other stuff, i forget.
boo: yummy
me: pure herbal tincture.. it's like black syrup and it's really bitter and astringent at the same time
boo: ewwwwww
me: the taste stays in the pores of my tongue
boo: ewwwww so it lingers
boo: lol
me: it stimulates the saliva glands (ecchinacea does that) so you feel like you have to keep swallowing or you'll gag
me: real nice
me: anyway.. enough about that
boo: lol

today i'm having those issues that arise all too often when one lives in a city as small (read insular) as mine.
everyone knows my damn business. everyone has an opinion.
ok, so one person in particular. she's been mouthing off again in certain circles, only telling the bits of the picture that suit her. giving me a bad reputation which i actually feel is somewhat undeserved. it's true, i have my downfalls. i live in a way which to some (many) people seems to be somewhat amoral.
i have morals, i live by them, i don't go out of my way to hurt people. quite the opposite infact.. despite the bitchy facade i'm actually not the sort of person who likes to inflict pain on my fellow humans.
yeah, and i get myself into all sorts of trouble for loving the wrong people or loving people the wrong way, though from where i'm standing it makes sense and i'm just *loving*, you know? it's not about being different or dramatic or kinky or pathetic or anything like that, it's just about being me, and letting myself have that freedom to do it. which is hard in a city of this size. really fucking hard. because of course it gets to me when i hear that someone has been telling someone else about how i got together with someone when they were with someone else and someone number one can just go fuck herself. yes, lisa gerrard, go fuck yourself. get a fucking life and stop your gossiping and just FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE! anyway, i should just let go of this. she doesn't know the half of it, and she's just a weak ignorant woman full of spite and hot air.
damn, i am so upset and angry and frustrated and just bloody miserable right now.
i feel like i need to elaborate on some of the stuff i've just blurted out right here, and for now i don't have the fucking energy.
got a question, just ask.

Vanessa says:
I'd be frigid if I were a kiwi, out of terror

Vanessa says:
a BIRD kiwi

Vanessa says:
i mean

Vanessa says:
erm

some fuckwit is voodooing me. i'm sure of it.
these stabbing pains are so so so *WRONG*
why, i ask. whyyyy????
just leave me alone, and my poor tortured ovaries.
damn you to hell, voodoomeister!
damn you to HELL!
*whimper*

TIED UP

tied torsos
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

hey beautiful

i can't help myself, i gotta keep emailing you and telling you how much i feel for you... like you... care for you... enjoy you... want you...

this smile just won't go away. these feelings keep on bubbling up. i catch myself mid-sentence falling silent as another memory grabs hold of me...

so many things i want to share with you, experience with you. so much i want to discover with you. so many places i want to go, things i want to do...

i want more walks on beaches, more nonsensical smiles, more giggling, more luscious hours curled up around you. more sweet kisses and warm skin... more time...

SECRET CLUB

piko club
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

i've created a little project for myself... a website following the expansion of my PikoWorld. basically i'm going to spend happy hours with my friendly blue camera buddy (M, i love ya) taking countless pics.. most of which won't make it onto that site.
loving the fresh way of looking at things that having a camera as an eye brings. detail detail detail, yummy.
***
things i want more of in my life in the near future:
tom yum soup, vegetarian.
hugs.
art, my own in particular.
excursions and expeditions, a la Pooh.
green.
skin.
(not green skin, despite what some of you might think about my froggy origins)
ok, that's enough for now. if y'all got any suggestions as to how i might acquire this stuff, give me a holla. cheers.

SINGING OUT

bright bird
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

yeah, so i been painting again... a little. just playing and letting it happen.. and what's happening is so far from what i expected that i just have to smile. a *bird* for chrissake! guess there's still a bit of childlike innocence in me afterall.

Oi!

um... feeling ripped off?
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

this is a little odd.
i thought there were laws about that kinda thing.
aah well, i guess the story is probably that ceres bought out zito. meh, who knows. i got nothing.
*yawns*
just woke up to another beautiful winter day half gone... 12 hours sleep to make up for a week of stupidity when it came to rest and relaxation.
my eyes are all hot and sticking out. i feel like alex.
went walking on the beach yesterday, so so nice... a perfect day.. warm and crisp and blue and sunny and still and fresh. the company was good, miss T, very few words, just content silence. nice to truly chill out.
bck to work today. bring on the madness...
x

i'm loving t, playing b, missing c.
i'm aching.

i told her it was important to me that we didn't yet. because i didn't want it to be something she felt bad about.
i promised that i'd stop her and stop myself.
i broke that promise.
i feel awful.
it was amazing.

so much to say, so few words.
i'm not going to say it.
i should be in bed.

THE ONE WHERE OUR DUTCH FRiEND MEETS A BEAVER, AND T LOSES HER DRiNK

staff dinner last night: sumptuous wine, fabulous food, delightful company. one of those nights that just *works*. we have a good crew at the moment. which is a lucky thing as piko is about to be turned upside down.. it's expansion time. think mud, drills, machinery, planks, tripping, excavation. think stress, think mania. think a brand new play-space for the pikolettes in a few months.
exciting times.
so anyway, the title of this post no doubt has you intrigued.
i work with a few people of non-english-speaking origin. and obviously this can lead to much mirth and confusion... often simultaneously. our dutch friend had, a few weeks ago, been regaling some of us with her story of when she met a beaver last year in holland. "so cute!"... "so furry" ... "so soft!" ... "suprisingly big" ... you get the picture. she was impressed, and stoked to have met her 'first beaver'. mwahhahahaha, oh the fun, the laughter, the sniggering, the belly-holding... eventually we let on. she was suitably embarassed, and admitted that it did explain the odd looks she'd previously received on telling this fine tale.
well last night we were recounting this event, in the company of two german workmates. *blank looks*...*giggling from the dodgy crass kiwis* .. the highlight was when german-one realised that we weren't actually going to tell her what a beaver was... and stated to her girlfriend (let's call her german-two)... "no beaver tonight then"
...at which point T lost her drink. yes, sprayed a mouthful across the room.. choked, spluttered, scarpered. leaving us to at last enlighten our german comrades. aah, how i love the ins and outs of the english language *happy smile*
i just thought i'd share that little gem.
oh, and the other highlight.. i almost forgot.. was when T opened a bottle of champers and killed a fly. poor wee thing never saw that big old cork coming. and the funny bit: T felt *bad*. bloody vegan.
hope you've all had a weekend as joyous as mine.
x

SOCKS AND SANDALS, BABY

socks and sandals close up
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

yeah, we know how to live it up at Piko.
so... guess who the colourful feet are attached to?
yeah, course it's me. Playthings' to the left. the boys' to the right.

SHOUT OUT

hey london buddies.. hope you're all ok... sending good thoughts your way. eek, scary stuff.
xxxxxx

BRING BACK THEMED FRiDAYS! WOOO

so tomorrow at work we're dressing to a theme... socks and sandals. yup, you read it right. this is the sort of mischief i used to get up to at work all the time. bored??..pick a theme. we haven't done it in a while... new friday crew, but it's BACK and better than ever. i've decided to give spot prizes to customers wearing the appropriate attire... probably chocolate. mmm.
i'll let you know how it goes... no doubt you'll be on the edges of your swivelly chairs.
till then...
x e

FAMILY DINNER #457

setting the scene: family dinner, all the girls (an aunt, 2 cousins, 2 sisters, mum, grandma, the token bloke.. my uncle). random inconsequential conversation. food. drinks (non alcoholic of course).

grandma: things have changed since my day you know
everyone else: *murmer murmer* oh yes, have they...
grandma. yes. like the gay marriage
everyone: *silence* *edge of seats* *furtive glances at the queer* (erm, me)
grandma: i mean.. *pause*... men with men. or even.. *pause* women with women.
everyone: *more glances*
me: *sniggering but trying to hide it*
grandma: *big pause*.. it's just that individually they can be SUCH nice people
everyone: *...*

yup, that's it. she elaborates no further. conversation returns back to building permits and haircuts and the history of christianity.

this not-flirting thing isn't going so well. it's not that i'm unhappy with it... it's just not HAPPENING! there's too much fun to be had. admittedly i'm being pretty good, but when she starts it.. well, all's fair.
*g*

SUCCULENT

succulent
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

so so succulent.
read on...
well here i am back in christchurch, it's cold. no suprise there. hooray for my parents' house! heat pump and underfloor insulation.. such a treat after living in a damp swamp-house for the last couple of years.
i'm happy to be home, i really am. it was a fucking strange holiday. it had it's moments, sure.
anyway i'm back at work, back with my happy wee pikofamily. seeing T was playing on my mind a little (ahem, ok.. a lot). it was nice. cheeky girl, first thing she does is plant a kiss on me. *g*
she then 'booked' me for today... for the talk. eek. so she came over, we scuttled into my den (i have decided not to open the curtains for the duration of winter.. heehee) and she talked. basically along the lines of that she was very confused still. and trying to make a go of it with her man, but was still ridiculously attracted to me.. mentioned something about her body doing inappropriate things when she saw me yesterday. so the upshot: she was going to try vry hard to stop flirting with me, and get herself sorted out.
then she kissed me.
yes.
hmm, what's a girl to do? i did the only thing that came to mind... i kissed back. fuck, i'd forgotten. it is just *SO* good. so we looked at each other a little sheepishly, and then, well, i won't go into details. so the no-flirting-thing is staring as of tomorrow. and damn it's going to be hard... i'm worried. this level of sheer physical attraction is ludicrous. *gnashing teeth*
i am one confused and frustrated bunny.
help! please!
ps. just got this text: "still having naughty evil thoughts about you. it's not midnight yet, i'm still allowed. aargh if you weren't so damn cute and lush my life would be easier"

LETTER

hey T
naturally i've been thinking about you a lot... contemplating how things might've been in a different circumstance. like, no bloody husband! no recent ex.. that's something on my list of what i want out of my next relationship! been spending lucious minutes imagining your kisses, the way you feel... the way you make me feel. your smile. your warmth (in every sense).
i hope things are going to be ok between us. i really really do. i hope my heart doesn't squeeze and shrink when i look at you, or when i see you with someone else. i hope this hasn't wrecked a very cool budding friendship.
i want the good stuff.. the smiles and the laughs and the warm wonderful feeling you give me.
i'll not be sending this to you... but it feels good to write it anyhow.
with love,
eroica xxx

still in brisbane
still breathing
thank you
x

BIG BRISBANE BURBLE

so here i am in brisbane... yeah!
three weeks of warmth and ants and three lane roads.
sounds good, huh?
off to byron bay tomorrow, i'm very much looking forward to getting on the road again, seeing some beaches, relaxing into holiday mode. so far it's been a little weird. i haven't quite managed to let go of everything i've just left behind in chch. a very bloody odd situation. ok, let me fill you in a little. this 'plaything' of mine is a married woman. her man got wind of the situation (please don't ask how, it's just too convoluted. suffice to say that the grapvine in chch is a strong and healthy one). so, plaything (i'll refer to her as T from now on, ok?) and hubby called it quits. yes, really. next day i'm doing plaything's shift (as she was in no state to work) and in bowls this woman. i have no idea who she is... she comes up to the counter and asks if 'orika' is working. i figure she means me. so she asks to speak to me somewhere private... and proceeds to give me a right bolloxing. along the lines of "T doesn't want any contact with you whatsoever, i have her cell phone so don't even THINK about texting her, and anyway who the fuck do you think you are, they've been together for 10 years, up till a week ago they were talking about having kids, keep the hell out of her life and fuck right off". real nice. obviously i was a little shaken by this. oh, yeah.. she was T's boy's sister. ouchy.
needless to say, i was a little fragile for the rest of the day! at some point T turned up to say hi, give me a hug... she'd rung just after the nasty wee incident and was as shocked as me that it'd happened. god, what a fucking family. remind me not to have inlaws. ever ever ever.
so, where we're at now: no contact for the 3 weeks that i'm over here... no phone calls, no texts, no emails. she needs space to sort her head out. and wants me to get on with having a good time while i'm on holiday. it's weird though, of course i think about her and wonder how things are going. wonder what things will be like back at work in a couple of weeks. sheesh, look at me ramble. i was planning on saying a bit about australia.. but instead i'm issuing forth on the state of my bloody love life. eek, stop me now.
*deep breath*
so, as i was saying, brisbane. yes. it's big and pretty ugly on the whole. we've discovered a cool wee part of town called west end, filled with organic shops, mango sorbet, and queers. it's great. i'll be happy enough to avoid the rest of town, and just hang out there. might check out a couple of queer clubs in the valley tonight... though to be honest the 'scene' doesn't seem that appealing. i'm just not a sceney kinda girl. and i need a haircut... but don't go thinking i'm off to find an eighty dollero dykeymullet. not bloody likely. though admittedly it does look cute on T. god, there i go again, thinking about her.
hahahhhahhahahah *gulp*

UM

me tonight
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

FQ ARTISTIC: Create a quick piece of art for us...

well, here i am. me, now.

so this plaything fling may be over.
life is moving so fast in so many odd directions.
i don't know quite what to feel about it all.
no doubt i'll keep posting random inconclusive snippits here.
oh, and i got a very cool present today from someone wonderful.
(love you)

me in yellow room

me in yellow room
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

well there ya go then. it's me. as i am right now. well, about 15 mins ago if we're going to get all pedantic. which, by the way, is fine by me.

FOR y

ok, a sneak preview for you y: we work together, it's totally inappropriate to be snogging in the back shed, but we do it anyhow. often. with gusto. and the element of danger is in turn exhilarating and exhausting.
and we're just useless at being discreet, those huge old smiles are a dead giveaway. but we just can't seem to help ourselves. eep.

MORE

i told y i'd update. so here i am... unsure of what to say. of how much to say. people read this thing, ya know? people who actually know me. it's a little daunting. cramps my writing style at times. this is one of those times.
so, i'll say this for now: i am having a lot of fun with someone who i find incredibly sexy. it's good to be laughing and smiling again. and it's complicated. and i'm going to australia at the end of the week for THREE WHOLE WEEKS. without her. with my ex instead.
life, huh. funny thing.
but i'm smiling, and i'm enjoying myself, and the clandestine nature of the 'happenings' makes life very interesting. i'll let you know more when i have more idea of what this is all about.
xx

*SOFT SIGH*

so, we all need a friend to play the kissing game with, right?
*just keep trying to make believe it's all normal*
this girl is, um... beautiful, adorable, edible, delicious.
i like making new friends.
i'm all soft and gentle and not fully here. time to curl up in bed and smile myself to sleep.
good night, people of blogland.
x

PLAYTIME

playing is such fun. i've missed this. we should all have friends we can play with.

4am UPDATE

nearly 4am. can't sleep. buzzing head. smiling still. just wish i could sleeeep! makes the time go faster. i want faster time! now! schnell!
*yawn*
how can i be yawning when as soon as i shut my eyes i get all awake again?!?!

FRIDAY Q, TUESDAY MADNESS.

FQ LOVER: How would somebody go about winning your heart?

A marigold under my windscreen wiper when i finish work would do it.

*small smile*

A GOOD DAY

think fits of giggles. think lame jokes. think cheeky looks. think random physicalness for no reason. think big fucking grin!

(a day like this is *so* what i needed, hooray for blatant flirting with attractive women. one in particular.)

THE SITUATION TODAY

What I am feeling about my 'situation' at the moment:

• anger
  
• sadness
  
• rage
  
• paranoia
  
• insecurity
  
• apathy
  

What I am doing about it:

• seething
  
• planning homicide
  
• (and maybe suicide)
  
• ignoring
  
• dwelling
  
• whimpering
  

What I'm being told to do about it:

• be gentle with myself (bah)
  
• get out!
  
• cut contact with all involved
  
• fuck someone else
  
• get used to it
  
• meditate
  

Other useful things people are telling me:

• I told you so
  
• love is hard
  
• life has ups and downs
  
• it'll get easier
  
• you'll be ok
  
• you are a loser
  

What I want to say to those 'helpful' people:

• fuck off
  
• fuck off
  
• fuck off
  
• I know this shit already
  
• fuck off
  
• fuck off now please. thank you.
  

WHAT DO I DO NOW?

i've had this sort of plan, right, to go to auckland for a few months later this year. but now it looks like my plan could be very much foiled, as the person i was wanting to get away from for a while has been shortlisted for her dream job... yes, in auckers.
and of course i'm very happy for her, it's such a great thing that she got shortlisted... and she's amazingly good at what she does and no doubt they'll fall over themselves to hire her...
but the selfish part of me is upset about it. i *need* auckland, at least the possibility of it, to keep me sane at the moment.
i need some sort of a plan, some sort of an escape, and for me at the moment it's auckland that's calling. and of course i could still go, no problems, and still see her once in a while... or more often, as i'm sure we'd both be feeling the loneliness. but that isn't really the point, i wanted to be going somewhere where she wasn't, that forced separation. i don't know how to get over her if i see her all the time. at the moment it's fine, i'm making small steps away from her... and at some poit i'm aware that i'm going to need a bigger cleaner break to get myself back to being me, and being single, and being happy about it.
god, i feel like such a shit for writing this, like i should be purely wholeheartedly supportive... and like i shouldn't say or write anything that may make her feel bad for [maybe] getting this great job.
but i'm just a little despondent and deflated right now.
i don't want it to look like i'm following her to auckland, if that's how things work out. and the other thing: if she gets the job... no holiday with her in brisbane. the other thing i'm holding onto for sanity's sake. i'll still go, but it'll be weird. fucksticks.
*sigh*

I LOVE GOOGLISM. AND I LOVE MICHELLE

michelle is smokin'
michelle is a dangerous thing
michelle is a true gift to those in need
michelle is going to be there with david
michelle is a highly underrated comic actress
michelle is the best
michelle is a teenage bi (maybe i'm in with a chance)

THE CATSKI

purr
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

here he is. you've all seen the pic before... the sexy beast that is BILLY BOB.

WHAAAAAAAAAAA!

as of tomorrow morning i no longer have a cat.
it's all really sudden and i'm feeling really upset that he's going, and upset about the circumstances.
see, i've known for a while that i have to find billy bob a new home as i'm leaving my place in a couple of weeks, and can't take him with me. but i didn't count on it all happening in the blink of a fucking eye. basically i mentioned to my flatmate 2 days ago that i needed to find somewhere for him... and 10 mins ago when i got home from work she said "well, it's all worked out and elle [who??] is coming to pick billy bob up tomorrow morning".
whaaaaat? you can't just give someone's cat away! and i'm still bloody living here for another 2 weeks. fuck, i'm so angry with her. but i also think that it's probably for the best, he gets to go and live on the coast in a nice wee bachelor-cat-pad with someone who will lavish attention on him (i admit freely that i'm not the best cat loving person)
but i'm really really upset about this, i feel like she's been really disrespectful in just going and giving him away to some woman i don't know.
fuck, i don't know how to feel about this.
i'll post now, and think later.
:-(
ps. people of blogland, keep posting about your kitties (as if you wouldn't), i need to get my fix somehow.

FAMILY DINNER #416

"here we go again" i hear you thinking...

but actually, this is a *nice* family dinner story.
my eldest sister turned 30 today. she's the one who's been in rehab for the last few weeks (surely i mentioned the situation at some point..?). i was, naturally, a little apprehensive about the gathering of the clan... as these dinners are often filled with cringe worthy moments, some laughable, some just painful.
we met on a chilly street corner (everyone was on time, even the good doctor. well done D!), with the only plan being "lets eat Thai". so after a bit of a reconnoiter we decided on Amarin Thai Resturant, i'd had takeaway from there once, and had recollections of decent food and nice smily staff.
it's a really beautiful place! lots of traditional bits and pieces adorning every free ledge and bit of wall... brass elephants, silk wall-hangings, odd wee dolls in traditional dress ("ethnic Barbie"), and an exquisite set of flying metal dragons on one wall. (i coveted them...and wished i had a camera with me)
the table was set nicely too, none of this dodgy formica you get in so many small thai resturants. real linen cloth, shiny cutlery, swan-shaped napkins. the staff were friendly and attentive, but not *too* attentive (did i ever share that story about a certain resturant in akaroa?).
the food was so beautifully presented. the rice arrived in a brass dish, complete with pedastool. entrees and mains on green leafy platters ("monsoon" i think is the design. i have a nice bowl of the same family). the curries were in ceramic pots, with tea lights underneath keeping them hot. i got a gingery mushroomy chickeny thing... very yum. it looked a little bit like this. mmm, fresh ginger... love it.
the look on my aunt's face when she realised that "whole fish" really *did* mean whole fish was great... she managed pretty well though.
wow, i don't usually go on like this.
*blushes*
so-anyhow-it-was-all-really-nice-and-my-sister-seems-happier-than-she-has-been-in-ages-and-conversation-was-nice-and-light-and-i-enjoyed-seeing-them-all.
that's it. ahem.

a window at Piko Wholefoods

a window at Piko Wholefoods
Originally uploaded by fb.

the shit i have to work with...
heh heh.
yeah, it's a beautiful place to work. this window is above our herb&spice shelves. :-) so it smells good as well as looks good.
thanks, fishy, for taking such purdy pics! good to be reminded of the nicer side of working in a delapidated old crust of a building... ;-)we can ignore the sinking floor in the kitchen, and the narrow slippery staircase...

ANOTHER SWIPE FROM MICHELLE

GOOGLE TALKS OVER HERE TOO...

Google talk a
Google Hack by
Douwe Osinga

MORNINGS WITH MICHELLE: An excerpt

Michelle says:
what's for lunch?

frogstar says:
well... i just had a brinch of tuna and poached egg on sundriedtomatoandbasilpitabread

frogstar says:
brunch in fact

Michelle says:
oh YUM

frogstar says:
it was

Michelle says:
*mouth watering

frogstar says:
sundriedtomatoandbasilpitabread.blogspot.com

frogstar says:
heheh

Michelle says:
*laughs

frogstar says:
a bit of a mouthful.... so to speak

frogstar says:
god, i crack me up

Michelle says:
*chuckles

READ FISHBOY AND YOU'LL GET THIS

so i already said in fishboy's comments that i don't have morning soundtracks running through my head when i awake from restful slumber, but i do have songs that get stuck in my head all the bloody time when i haven't heard them in yonkies.
"you make me feel like dancing.... i'm so excited and i just can't hide it, you make me feel brand new"... all these very happychirpy songs that have no relevance or real _place_ in my life!! what's with *that*?

YEAR OF THE COCK

cock
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

fantastic cock at the chinese new year lantern festival. as i am a rooster child myself, i assume it means that i'm up for a good year. the lantern festival was really great... beautiful lanterns, interesting food, lots of sparkly plastic stuff to purchase.
in my case... a glitzy samurai sword for c.
the chinese teenage popstars got a little trying, there's only so many schmultzy foreign love songs one can handle.
steel-workers had to be the highlight of the night, they were great. intricately embroidered costumes, drag queen makeup, big hair, fancy staff fighting (wow!).

a bar called 1066
next door, a video store. a bakery, closed. butcher, ditto.
but inside this bar... an ant hill of activity.
i order a gin and tonic, take it to an empty table (plenty to choose from), and settle in for a spot of people-watching.
karaoke... two men sing their kindly but dull hearts out.
four specimens in sparkling pink twitter and flutter, shaking their child-bearing hips and flicking their pantene hair-dos.
bar maid (proprietor?) in yellow and black, teetering on uncomfortable heels. one of those top-heavy women. finds it hard to get a bra that doesn't cut into her shoulders. dyes her hair black, though the wrinkled throat gives away her age.
two men, strangers to each other, chat at the bar. one in a polo shirt and jeans, the other in bike leathers. with suspenders. his helmet on the bar beside him. he's sure of himself, yells good-natured (if rather bad-taste) remarks at the dancers.
sitting in a corner is a tall, thin man who once in a while gets up to give advice to the guy figuring out the cd player in the corner. when he stands he becomes a character from a b-grade western.his shoulders rounded, clothed in a crisp white singlet top, tight jeans, boots and moustache. he walks like a primate, stooped and languid.
the table next to me is occupied by an elderly man, he looks sad watching the 'youngsters' strutting their stuff.
we endure their painful renditions of classics by the likes of elvis, george michael, elton john. for some reason the guy who is singing keeps chucking out random comments like "ladies and gentlemen, elton JOHN!!" and "next up a wee number by..."
is that odd, or is it just me? surely he needen't introduce himself? luckily though his voice was pleasant enough. the highlight was YMCA, sung with gusto and badly orchestrated moves by the four hair-dos.
at irregular intervals the music is interrupted by the sound of a clattering avalanch of coins from around the corner [use of gaming machines prohibited by those under 18 years of age]. eventually our winner emerges... resplendent in an ocean of pink and white... hair and skin included. she waddles over to hubby, that awkward looking man alone at the table beside mine, mutters something to him and makes her way outside for a smoke.
i sit back and swig from my drink... having thrown aside those little straws they insist on sticking in womens' drinks. eventually a smile creeps on to my face, i relax into the mangy bar-stool and my gaze turns to the walls. ooh, a crossbow! and is that really a numbchuck? yes, it seems so.
deciding that i've seen enough, i finish my drink, smile at the bar maid, and make my way to the door, weaving through the gaggle of gyrating laydees, past the crooners, and onwards out into the night.
i grin to myself, and wander the 20 minutes home.

YES, ANOTHER ONE...

I am 28% White Trash.

The white trash in my blood will not keep me from becoming a doctor or a lawyer, but it will keep me from a good haircut and any sort of fashion sense.

Take the
White Trash Test
@ FualiDotCom