hope you all have a humbug-free christmas.
mine's going well thanks.
my beach house it just PERFECT.
you should drop by some time...
xxx

that sweet slow summer feeling is here.
freinds arriving back in town to relax and share stories
long evenings, light till after nine
(perfect for walking on the beach with a new lover)
stone fruit ~ fragrant nectarines, but still not a patch on the ones i ate as a child.
talk of day trips to only-in-summer destinations
the anticipation of long days on a sunny veranda
gin and tonic
squinting
strawberries and cold fruit juice
*

trying to get my head around how i might bake a carrot cake
on a morning when i would be better just drifting

it was still last night. so still.

i have a new cousin.
he is large and loud and very south african.
i like him.
i wasn't sure if i would, but i do.
*

i have a sister back.
she's wild and different and as great as ever.
she speaks italian like it doesn't take any effort.
it's good to have her back.
*

time is moving so quickly.
soon christmas, then a new year.
how exciting...
a new adventure to embark on.
*

little sister arrives back tomorrow morning.
it's been nearly three years since last sighting.
molto emozionante!

i finally found this photo! been hunting for it since he died, wanting to see a picture of him looking healthy and happy. it's at his property at hapuku. hapuku just happens to be where michelle and i did our figure drawing workshop a week or two back. i'd planned on visiting him, been saying i would for years, but i was too late. by a week.
i love this photo so much, he sent it to me just before i went on my big adventure to australia when i was 18. he was always so supportive of adventure... if what you're doing doesn't make you happy, do something else. he was all for grabbing life by the horns (or trotters in this case) and trying new things, getting the best out of life.
such a shame his was so short.

there seem to be some pretty cool lookin' and within-reason affordable houses in melbourne each time i look online. that's encouraging.
but what shall i do for work?

you all know i'm moving to melbourne next year, right?
(heh, i say "you all" like people actually read this thing anymore!)
it's an exciting prospect for surely, and along with that comes a lot of doubts and worries. hmm. i know i am completely capable of making this move work for me. finding work will be fine. we'll find a nice place to live. i'll make friends. but it's still SCARY! i'll be leaving so much stuff that i'm really into at the moment. pottery and bookbinding and piko and gazillions of good peeps.
*sigh*

this, believe it or not, is young fur seals playing in the pool of a waterfall just north of kaikoura. such a treat to see! there were three of them, very inquisitive little show-offs! between michelle and myself i think we probably took about 42323 photos. mine are pretty much all crap... and you'll never know about hers seeing as she has stopped blogging. which is a shame, seeing as she has such a lot to say in real life. heh.
[love you mich!]

he was goodstuffs

one of the best people in the world died last thursday.
i fucking loved that man, so so much.
he taught me so much, through what he spoke and how he lived
and i fucking miss him
he's been sick for a long time, but this seems so unreal. last time i saw him we was doing well.
guess that can change pretty fast.
fucking cancer, of course.
i MISS him.

i love you pete.

i'm hoping there's a good movie on tv tonight
but i may be out of luck on that one... i'm fussy
i've done so little today, it's been really nice
very relaxing
i made two more concertina books
(i also made two yesterday with my new bookbinding buddy)
i made a vegan quiche
kumera
asparagus
mushrooms
seeds
hot chunky full-of-flavour pastry,
and enough for lunch tomorrow
i love long weekends
i love realising on sunday that it's not over,
there's another whole day
a bonus
a day to wear jimjams till 2pm
to listen to new music
move slowly
breathe out
soft rain against my window
warm thoughts to keep the cold distant
it strikes me as almost poetic,
this drawing in
away from
noise
activity
interaction
*

i saw an inconvenient truth last night. and indeed it is. if you haven't seen it yet, please do. really. please.
god, we've made such a mess of things. and though i consider myself pretty well informed on environmental issues, there were things i didn't know. in particular, how quickly things are moving. it's got to stop accelerating like this!
so please, look at the website, see the film, make small changes in your lives, because all those small efforts add up. for ideas click here.
i biked to work today.
*hugs*

NEWSFLASH!

michelle has some of all the answers! and sometimes you don't even have to ask.

WHAT'S HAPPENING?

lots, that's what.
life is full of excitement and activity.
a wonderful birthday party/blessing for my favourite girl last sunday,
a tree falling in the night,
a week of hot windy days,
a walk for water today (to help raise money for constructing water tanks in small villages in zimbabwe),
a new (old) record player and a new lease of enthusiasm for my old music collection,
a new weblog, a new set of missions to complete! (site still under construction. i'm trying to figure some html stuff out, i'll get there eventually)

BANANAS FOR BANANAS

hello blogpeeps. haven't i been useless at updating?!
a week or two ago someone left a comment on victoria's site about banana bread. and that was it, i had to have it! so i dug out a recipe (ok, i found it online) and it's so good that i've got to share it. it is totally kick ass, not too sweet, and plenty moist. yep, that's how we like it.


Banana Bread

Ingredients:

3 large bananas (enough to mash 1 cup)
1 cup sweetener (i use rice syrup but you can use sugar)
egg substitute for 1 egg (or, you know, an egg..)
4 tablespoons applesauce (it's so american!)
1 and 1/2 cups flour (I use mostly whole wheat)
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt

Directions:

With a mixer, beat the mashed bananas with the sugary stuff. Add the egg (/replacer) and applesauce and beat again.

In another bowl, mix the dry ingredients. Add this to the banana mixture and stir with a spoon until the dry stuff is all moistened. Not too much stirring!

Pour batter into a loaf pan, preferrably non-stick but i'm way too old school for that so i just oil the tin.

Bake at about 160 c (be sure to preheat first) for about 55 minutes. it takes a bit less time with fan bake.

WEEKEND BLiSS

and now, blogpeeps, i'm taking myself on a weekend adventure.
a date for one.
and i'm loving the thought of hours in my own company, with no customers and no anyone. i can be as silent as i want to be. *bliss*
catch you soon.

last night while foraging for the last shit reminders of my ex-ex-girlfriend (the one we dislike, immensely) so i could give them the hell back to her, i found a journal from a few years ago.
and now here's a snippit from it, to warm the cockles of your hearts. hehehe, good times...

i am replaying moments
from last night in slow motion
with dolby surround sound
and heart wrenching
disney soundtrack.
Mmmmm
*sigh*
he's lovely.

it was really lovely to find the journal and read all about my then-life. all the happy buoyant loved up feelings, and the sad ones, and the pages of "fuck it. just FUCK FUCK FUCK it. fuckkk!" (i'm not kidding!), and the scraps of emails and the laughs and the wonderings. so many different friends and realities back then! a different world entirely. it was just what i needed, to combat this darksome which has ensnared me these last few days.
these are lonesome times in my world.
good stuff, plenty of it, is happening too.

WOW. very inspiring.
diana fayt

a chunk o' junk, would you believe it.
it made quite a noise. sort of a rumble, sort of a shake, sort of a boom.
coooool!

read about it here

you know something that sucked about the much acclaimed Cecil Beaton exhibition i went to this afternoon?
there were no portraits of famous carrots.
there were, however, plenty of portaits of pretty girls. so i didn't come away completely disappointed.

PiCTURE YOURSELF

PACKiNG MY BAGS..?

i bought me a domain. so eventually i'll pack my bags and leave this bloggie place. mainly because i don't like having my real name in the address, i'm too easily findable by peoples who i'd prefer didn't.
but i'll do my best to let you lovely readers all know my new place. because i know you'd miss me if i just disappeared. but mostly i'd miss the comments. because there are sooo many of them.
*snort*
michelle yesterday seeded the idea in me of writing for a living. like, not fiction or blog or poetry or anything like that, but maybe there really are ways i can make a decent living off words. i like that idea. but maybe it'd be torturous. i can agonise over words for bloody hours. i'd need to have a thesaurus with me at all times.
maybe i'll end up being a shop girl all my life.
maybe i'll do something entirely different.
heh, the coffee coursing through my veins is loosening my tongue (fingers really. i'm not saying this out loud. ok maybe a little)
i have career ideas pretty much daily. business enterprises, flashes of inspiration. hazy fuzzy edged ideas that make my eyes sparkle momentarily. how do i get these things growing?


edit: fucking widows, jeez.

red dwarf. i don't get it.
but michelle is going to explain it to me.
phew.

edit 2 minutes later: yeah, ok, i get it.

RAiN

I can hear you
making small holes
in the silence
rain

If I were deaf
the pores of my skin
would open to you
and shut

And I
should know you
by the lick of you
if I were blind

the something
special smell of you
when the sun cakes
the ground

the steady
drum-roll sound
you make
when the wind drops

But if I
should not hear
smell or feel or see
you

you would still
define me
disperse me
wash over me
rain

Hone Tuwhare


*
i've loved this poem since i was seventeen. and now, as i stumble across it at random, i'm filled with a delicious sense of familiarity.

SEALiFE

this is some of the stuff i did in the 'slip' workshop i did a while back. finally finished, it's a lengthsome process. so what do you think? a bit of fun, for sure. will i carry on in this vein? i'm undecided.
opinions welcomed.

SATURDAY MORNiNG WITH MiCHELLE

penguinfeatures: we *so* need a studio

frogstar: we so do!

penguinfeatures: a big airy studio..

frogstar: can we have one in melbourne please?

penguinfeatures: absolutely. *thinking* wouldn't that be great.. to hire some industrial space and actually have a studio

frogstar: that'd be so great. and we could do it if we really wanted to...

penguinfeatures: we could. we could slowly fill it with equipment

frogstar: let's make that a mid-term goal. live in the same city and have a studio together, hehhe

penguinfeatures: second hand pottery wheel.. some big tables.. storage shelves.. find some potter who'll let us fire in her kiln.. a printing press thingie.. *really wants to explore printing*... tools and space for book binding.. and sewing.. we need to sew more

frogstar: we could have an espresso machine in the corner even. near the coffee table and armchairs.

penguinfeatures: ohhh yesss

penguinfeatures: *puts that particular point to number one on the list*

frogstar: yes yes yes!!!! this is sounding bloody faaabbbbulous! mmm, yeah, we need a printmaking mentor. someone quirky and fun and really really good.

frogstar: if i had it my way i'd turn our bathroom into a studio. it's so bright and sunny! i could put a big table where the bath is. leave the basin, good to have running water on hand...

penguinfeatures: you do have a wonderful bathroom

frogstar: grow a big plant in the toilet bowl. put a pottery wheel where the shower is. *nods*

penguinfeatures: not a cactus though


frogstar: noi!

penguinfeatures: that would take all the fun out of wees

frogstar: heheh, i was thinking of maybe not doing so many wees in there after the plant went in. something big and leafy that cast great shadows at night time when the dim light was on (i love plant shadows...)

CONTENTMENT

a sunny day
the house to myself
four art projects to work on
i'm loving it.

SATURDAY SPARKLE*

GAAAAAAARRRR!

people, i have no shame. here i am. with my friends. at the beach after going to PiRATES OF THE CARiBBEAN and all that jazz. want more? read someone elses blog.

yup, we dressed up.
yup, it was a corporate event.
yup, people laughed. some even pointed.

REASONS NOT TO CALL FiSHBOY

it makes my ear hot and ouchy.

it make's my list of things that still haven't been done stay the same length. (ideally it'd be shorter, you see)

it makes me even more restless and ready to jump chch-ship.

it makes me miss him so much it hurts.

NAME THiS CREATURE

creature on couch
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

as you can see, i've had a productive weekend.
anyone got a name idea?
i'm pleased with how he turned out, my first attempt at a soft toy in many a year! (since i was about 8 i think)
i've got all this stuff in my head i want to blog, and it's 11.30 and i need to be in bed! so hopefully it can wait while i get some sleep.
yay for good stuff outweighing the other stuff!
x

iLLUSTRATiON FRiDAY ~STiCKY

venus flytrap close
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

aah, at last another illustration friday to keep you entertained!
this week's theme is sticky. this incidentally is a detail of the larger drawing... but the photo of the whole thing is blurry and i just wanted to get it posted rather than mess around figuring it all out perfectly.
i've been very creative of late, doing lots of little bits and pieces, and more importantly feeling GOOD about it. (heh, typo averted... i'm not feeling quite 'god' yet)
today i've been out sketching at the museum and looking at strange old stuff. go on, have a look at the devil dog vase on my flickr. somewhere over there -->
after some wandering of the arts centre market i sat myself down with a coffee and my current read (colour, victoria finlay, i've mentioned it before) and spent a good hour or so just chilling out and enjoying my own company. nice way to spend a saturday.
i've been inspired to pick up the Artist's Way again, buddied up with a certain creative minkey we know and love. yay!
till next time...
*love and hugs*
x

BOOKLOVE

bookshelf
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

this is my bookshelf. i got it for my 21st, and it was the best thing my parents could've given me. i love my books i do. and on top is my most precious plant, begonia angelwings. grown from a clipping, it just keeps getting bigger and healthier. on the first shelf is a few of the bowls i've made at pottery. and then books books books. mmmm.
blogpeeps, i've been getting into some handmade postcard swaps over at nervousness.org ...another way i push myself to get creative. the thing is, i really like this one and i'm not sure it'll end up in the post.
in other exciting news, i'm late for work, it's cold, and my throat is sore. i'm not enjoying winter, no no. not at all.
oh, and i booked another ticket to auckland (and back, sadly) for august. so that's something to look forward to.
how are you all?

REAL LiVE CREAViViTY

detail clay stuff
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

not just talk, me. see i actually do stuff sometimes.

edit: and what's more, i have a buyer.

WAiAMAiHEA?

coming home
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

the *only* good thing about leaving auckland and coming back to christchurch was this view.
i've had such a perfect trip. wonderful company (!!!), good food, plenty of time doing nothing nothing nothing. but never a moment of boredom.
*sigh*
i don't want to be back home.

don't make me go home, i don't want to...

AUCKLAND COFFEE MANiA SPEAKEE

hello blogpeeps.
i'm in auckland sitting on michelle's couch with her laptop, and a belly full of coffee. so good to be away from christchurch and work for a bit, just chilling out and visiting people and wandering.
i feel like i could quite easily just forget to get on my homeward bound plane. settle into this noisy city and stretch my wingies a little. but not yet, no not yet. back to the cold south for a few more months, save some money, and have a full-family christmas (a big deal this year as potentially all six of us kids will be home, first time since i was 9) before making like a shepherd and getting the flock outta there. probably to sydney for a few months before heading over to the UK. *ramble ramble ramble*
but, as i prove over and over, plans are often changed/broken/metamorphed into something entirely different.
anyways, let's not go getting deep and meaningful.
i might go and see my bros today. when i said to my father, before leaving chch, that i might not see them he got all upset like and garbled something about "disfunctional" and "you have to be the cement". well you know what? fuck right off! i've been cementing this insane family together for years and i'm over it. i no longer care if A hasn't spoken to B since 1994, and C is secretly planning the demise of D. *g* gotta love family...
shit i am talking nonsense. i think it's the excitement of typing in bed! wheeeee! or perhaps it's the killer-coffee.
hey people, i've had a few creative ideas while i've been here. my problem is that i have these ideas and i don't tend to follow through on them. but i want to change that, i want to actually do some of the stuff that lurks around in my head. eyes peeled, people, i might just suprise us all.
x

off to aucky to see mich... yay!

*

thank you all for your comments and support on my last post. it really does mean a lot.
on saturday tracey and i decided to end our relationship. initially her idea, but when i got honest... my thoughts lately have been very much focussed on whether or not i was wanting to be there anymore.
there are many reasons for which we made our decision. i don't want to write about them yet, but i think i will soon. (and i don't mind you asking questions)
so, where are we at now? well, i'm not too sure. we are still in love (sometimes i think more so than ever) and still want each other emotionally/mentally/sexually.
we think we've made the right choice, but there is still a lot of confusion in both of our hearts over it.
we've settled on trying for a slow parting. no sudden wrench.
how does one fall out of love deliberately?
people, if you have any advice for me please do share it.

*

tonight my girl went to councelling with her ex husband. which is a good thing. they've got shit to sort out, especially as we plan on leaving town in a few months. best to make a start at the healing before we go.
but do i feel good about it?
hell no.
i'm shitting myself. not because i think she wants him back, but because maybe she doesn't want me around while she gets her head/heart around that one. am i just a hinderance to her now that the initial sparkle seems to have diminished somewhat?
you know what? i'm bloody miserable at the moment, so there.
i'm *so* looking forward to my [however shortlived] escape to auckland.

iLLUSTRATiON FRiDAY ~UNDER THE SEA

pink fish green fish
swim fish
splash splish

*overtired*




"What did you do today?" I hear you ask.

Well, I sent a bucket of tahini to Mt. Lyford.
And I renamed Lisa's child. PoobyRoo she shall be from now forth.
And I came home and made dinner (mac cheese with no mac and no cheese as such).
And I booked a flight to go visit Michelle in Auckland for a few days in a few weeks, coz she makes me smile and I loves her. Lots.
And now I plan on putting on a load of washing and going to bed. Pottery tomorrow, first of this term.
*s*

ps. fb is back-ish

iLLUSTRATiON FRiDAY ~ROBOT

robot
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

i've been listening to the flaming lips these past few days.
yoshimi and those pesky pink robots, y'know.

CiAO

bye bye my pretties. i'm off to meet my girl for a roadtrip.
mmm, camping and wandering and getting out into a bit of nature, i neeeed this.
catch you next week.
x

Slubberdegullions! Numbskulls! Sea-gherkins!

here's a story to make you laugh. when i was about 6 or 7 i started having swimming lessons. our teacher was a nasty man, didn't like kids much i think. the bastard made me swim in the deep pool with no floaty things for my arms (bearing in mind that i hadn't actually been taught to float at this stage) and i so vividly remember screaming at him "blue blistering barnacles!"
he must've thought me a very strange wee whippersnapper.

iLLUSTRATiON FRiDAY ~SPOTTED

i didn't do last week's illustration friday of SPEED, but here's one someone else did. brilliant.
and here's mine for this week... spotted.

my ex is a poo.
:-(

FOR LEMONPiLLOWS

this link is for lemonpillows' benefit. i think you'll appreciate it...
*
in other news, it's the weekend and i'm very happy about it.

try this now

エロイカーズ

エロイカーズ
Originally uploaded by nodoca.

hair liquid for men? woot!

iLLUSTRATiON FRiDAY ~SPRiNG

iLLUSTRATiON FRiDAY ~SPRiNG
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

As it's definately not spring here, i've drawn a picture of someone snuggled up in bed in autumn(fall), dreaming of spring.
only 5 more months...
*

hey, does anyone know of any interesting swaps i can get involved with? crafty arty stuff perhaps. anything to keep me creative...
i'd appreciate any tips.
gracias!
x

iLLUSTRATiON FRiDAY ~MONSTER

well we all know it's not friday, but when was i ever one to play by the rules? (and by the time the illustration friday site updates it's already saturday here, so really it's of little consequence when i post a picture.)
anyway, this weeks theme is monster, and this little beastie is the monster bug who has stolen my brain, replacing it with snot and aches. god i hate being sick. *sigh*

iLLUSTRATiON FRiDAY ~FEET

feet2
Originally uploaded by frogstarstrikesagain.

i'm sure i've blogged this picture already... but today i do for illustration friday.

YOU iNSPiRE ME

i have this friend, corrina. we met a few years back in melbourne. we had a ball, in the company of a couple of english lads. out of a diet of cheap wine and vic's $3 backpacker meals grew a cool wee friendship between the four of us. she had a crush on steve, i had one on oli. the next year she visited me at home in nz, before disappearing off into the blue yonder. we didn't email each other very often, just those once in a while nice to hear from you kind of emails.
at some point last year she emailed me again about this life coaching course she was doing... she was so happy and vibrant (well, when isn't she?) and full of love and life! and... she came out to me. *g* funny thing is, she didn't know i was comrade in arms. so that was brilliant, a bit of a giggle. we're back in contact (aargh, i should write more i know) and a couple of days ago i received in the post a big parcel from the UK. yay! a lovely letter and 3 old copies of diva, a brit dykemag. hooray for her! what a sweet unexpected suprise.
i'm loving having her back in my extended worldwide circle of friends.

(she's got a website too, but it's not up and running just yet)

E-WHAT-iCA?

things that sucked about the erotica lifestyle expo last weekend:

jasmin the aussie porn star. all silicon tanned blondness. *gag*
(if one so desired, a photo of oneself with aforementioned floozie draped upon aforementioned self could be purchased for some suprisingly high price) (there was also some porn-bloke who reminded me of tarzan available for photos)

the "wangs R us" style sex-toy-best-left-in-the-catalogue stalls. how many versions of a super life-like 24 inch dong do i need to be offered???

aargh, and the dvds. *yawn* *retch* *eye-roll*
my favourite title of the evening --> "i like it black, and deep in my ass: vol. 3"

the entry fee. i certainly didn't get my $15 dollars worth.

the old guys with pot bellies wearing nip-clamps at the ONE bondage stall. and the fact that all their gear is made from animal products.

the crowds of typical bloody christchurch rugby types. especially the ones right up at the stage, getting the best view of the worst jasmin had to offer. *shudder* gross leery drooly lumps of flesh that they are.

listening to one of my creepier customers asking someone how exactly to find the g-spot, and nodding very enthusiastically at the explanation. pfff as if you're EVER gonna get laid, buddy.


the not so bad stuff:

well, the highlight (predictably) was the d-vice stall. charming and bent as ever, those girls have class. and their toys are undoubtably the best on the market. girls and boys, when searching for your next plaything you need go no further.

bumping into steve how's-your-mother gurney at the g-spot talk, after having spent the previous evening in his delightful/odd company. he was as pleased to see us as we were to see him. and our presence didn't stop him asking questions. (yeh, him and that creepy customer)

a video of a very cool session in which a woman grew wings and flew... (think pegs, think feathers, think needles and whips)

favourite invention: a vibrating glove. hehe. made my scalp tingle.

***
in summary: very tacky, very hetero, not nearly kinky enough.
***

in other news: this weekend i have walked on a hill, eaten pasta salad, slept to the sound of the sea, decided on a holiday and then had it pulled from under my feet, been peed at (not on) by a hyperactive poohuahua, done rude things against a wall, bought a book i've been trying to find for years, and had a serious-ish talk about the direction 'we' are headed.
so how about you?
x

i just had a weird moment when i suddenly had the thought that maybe two people that i know are actually the same person, pretending to be each other.
help!

YOU HAVE CHOiCES

i could post about 3 things. you choose. or if you all stay as quiet as church mice i may just post anyway. but probably not. so choose.

1. an evening with steve how's-your-mother gurney

2. the erotica lifestyle expo

3. nah, just choose from those two.

this evening after i got home from work and ate dindins i made a vegan cheesecake. for, you see, it's my girl's galactic birthday tomorrow. i don't know what that means either, but any excuse for cake...
i'll let you know how it tastes.
*smooches*

SORRY SORRY SORRY!

..sorry for not updating, to those of you who are asking how i am.
i'm ok. we're ok. we are a bit different. she is happier. i am adjusting. we still love one another and love what we have between us (no strap-on jokes please) (oh, go on then).
you know, i'm really much better at answering questions than formulating posts. so if you want to know any more, do ask.
and thank you for caring.
*kisses*

darlings, wish me luck and love.
i'm off to find out if my girl is still my girl.
and, i'm frightened.
x

THERE'S A HOLE iN MY CHEST

here's an excerpt from a letter i'm writing to vanessa.
(v, shut your eyes if you think it'll spoil the real-live-letter experience in a few weeks)

"going through some hard stuff with that girl of mine. after 3+ weeks on her own she's realised she hasn't dealt with the whole marriage ending thing. and now she doesn't know whether she can be with me while she goes through the inevitable grieving. so i'm sad and i'm upset and i'm more than a little fucked off. i knew we'd come up against this at some point. i know what i want: i want her (us?) to figure out how to deal with that stuff without throwing away what we've got. because we have a DAMN good thing going and it hasn't yet run it's course. no WAY is this thing over yet.
vanessa, thinking that in a week she may decide we can't be together brings tears to my eyes. thinking about what i might do, all the great opportunities i have if that is the case, brings tears to my eyes. i'm not ready to end this. i still want her (becasue ti's the wanting, not the needing, that's important right? need isn't a good enough reason to stay in a relationship that hurts like this). anyway, i think i'd be too weak to end it with her even if i did think it was wise. and too stubborn - i have this stubborn urge to prove that all the shit we went throught at the beginning (and now) was worth it. that this isn't a painful 9 month affair, destined to leave me in pieces. this has GOT to be more than that. and it is. it's love, and the love hasn't ended so why should the relationship?"

i've spent the day wandering sightlessly through hot noisy streets, holding back tears. this isn't where i thought i'd be today.

HAPPY BiRTHDAY TO MY FAVOURiTE BOY

[artwork by the charming and mulit-talented michelle]

what to say about darling sweet jeff today. birthday boyo... super-friend extraordinaire, partner in crime, coffee buddy, the other half of my joke, bloody irritating prat... all that good stuff wrapped up in a very pleasing package. (hehe, did i say package? *g*)
j, you in turn brighten my days, and lurk in the dark corners with me when i don't have any desire for sunshine. you listen to me ramble, you tell me to get a grip, you laugh at me, you laugh with me. hell, i laugh at you too to be fair.
we've got a good thing going, kiddo.
and there's lots more chapters to come, i promise. you're in my heart tonight as i write this, wishing i could be there with you to celebrate. i'm sending you my deepest love, and you can cash in on birthday hugs when you're next here.
i love you babe.
e

THiNGS i'M ENJOYiNG TODAY:

from etcher, this

from duncancumming.co.uk, this and this (*drool*)

and my word of the week is psithurism... the sound of the wind in the trees.

WHAT'S iN A NAME?

one of the female speed skaters competing in the winter olympics is called Manli Wang.
*giggling*

GETTiNG ARTY ON iT

colour explosion
Originally uploaded by enyahs.

today i did a workshop on printmaking.
i'd show you, but i've managed to delete the programme which enables me to upload photos from my camera. so until i find the cd, i'm going to have to make do with other peoples pictures. cheers, enyahs.
anyhoo, the workshop was good. the room was airless and about a million degrees, i think the heat induced hallucinations helped with the creative process.

SWEET DREAMS

i dreamt last night that i'd killed someone.
it wasn't the killing that was the nightmare, but the consequences of my action. police interviews and the widespread implications it had for myself and those around me. the knowledge that i would forever more be that woman who killed someone. and no escape, a police record that'd stop me from ever travelling away from here.
it brought on such an enormous feeling of helplessness and hopelessness.
*shudder*
i'm left feeling dirty and sore inside.

WATCH FOR SPiKES

hey, talk to me. i'm miserable.
i've had a shit day, preceded by a shit night, and a few other shit days.
my girl is halfway up the country, having a blast, and here i am stuck in my wee life. working, working on a fucking building site, in the RAIN. this is meant to be the hottest driest month in chch, damn it.
it's getting to me. it's making me all scratchy inside, i feel like i have claws beneath my skin just about ready to break through, snag people, retreat back in. leaving infected scars all round.
fuck i'm sick of being me today. fuck i'm so SICK of it.
i'm sick of giving so much to people, sick of having so much demanded of me. sick of training staff, sick of keeping the smily face on and holding back the snarl. sick of even the people i enjoy day to day.
sick of those nice customers who make it impossible to resent them.
sick of workmates who need reassurance, sick of workmates who need someone to bitch to about the ones who need reassurance.
sick of missing trace.
sick of the way i feel about it all.
sick to fucking death of this pitiful life i'm struggling through at the moment.
give me a fucking BREAK!.
give me a tank of petrol and a remote destination.
give me something, please?
yes you,
please.

OH YEAH, YOU KNOW YOU WANT iT

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Frogstar!

1. Banging your head against frogstar uses 150 calories an hour.
2. If you toss frogstar 10000 times, she will not land heads 5000 times, but more like 4950, because her head weighs more and thus ends up on the bottom!
3. It is impossible to fold frogstar more than seven times.
4. Cats use their frogstar to test whether a space is large enough for them to fit through.
5. Frogstar can squeeze her entire body through a hole the size of her beak.
6. Ninety-six percent of all candles sold are purchased by frogstar.
7. Frogstar was first grown in America by the grandmother Maria Ann Smith, from whom her name comes.
8. The water in oceans is four times less salty than the water in frogstar!
9. About 100 people choke to death on frogstar each year.
10. While performing her duties as queen, Cleopatra sometimes dressed up as frogstar!

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

MAJOR PROCRASTiNATOR, THAT'S ME

quizzykins via fishboy via krimsonlake via someone else...
(i feel no shame in posting this quiz, it's my day off damnnit and i intend to waste it!) (or at least some of it. after all, there are still gherkins to be pickled)

You scored as English. You should be an English major! Your passion lies in writing and expressing yourself creatively, and you hate it when you are inhibited from doing so. Pursue that interest of yours! Linguistics 83% English 83% Art 83% Journalism 75% Sociology 67% Theater 67% Dance 58% Biology 58% Anthropology 58% Psychology 50% Philosophy 50% Mathematics 42% Chemistry 25% Engineering 17% What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3) created with QuizFarm.com

Fours
i is doing this coz she say so.
Four jobs I've had
bread creator (ach! the early starts...)
door to door sales tart
seller of classy pre-loved attire
organics bitch

Four movies I can watch over and over
priscilla (heh, a cock in a frock on a rock)
love actually (i'm really just a big softie)
frida (every moment is a visual feast)
the bbc adaptation of pride and prejudice (i know it's not really a movie as such, but have you *seen* jennifer ehle in that?)

Four places I've lived
christchurch (home)
sydney (fast, tacky, hot, great)
melbourne (also fast, sophisticated, arty, somewhere i could settle)
in my head (eeeeeeeeeee!)

Four TV shows I love
scrubs
black books
six feet under
um, i don't watch a lot of tellie...

Four places I've holidayed
okains bay nearly every summer as a kid, and some since
the UK, with a few days in paris (yum)
the far north (sounds epic eh?)
punakaiki for a dirty weekend

Four of my favorite dishes
sushi
good bread with vegan anti-pasto
ahem, tracey
new potatoes, boiled, with asparagus on the side

Four sites I visit daily
mine (because i haven't managed to set it up to get email notification of new comments)
flickr.com (also for obsessive comment checking, but no one loves me there so i needn't bother)
trademe.co.nz (i'm such a housewife)
yahoo.com (home is where my mail is)

Four places I would rather be right now
marahau with my girl *sigh*
a cafe in sydney drinking a good coffee with a bad boy
mexico, nourishing my senses
early december last year

Four bloggers I am tagging
ysengrin
sarsparilla
reshma
fionnaigh

ach, well thank the gods that's over.
i spent the weekend in the lucious golden bay, and i'm not very happy about being back. not least because i left Girlie there.
meh.

i'M NOTHiNG iF NOT SUBTLE

hey readers...
it's my birthday on friday (the 20th) and i love mail. email, snailmail, anonymous cash, it's all good.
go on, pretty please? make me feel special.

POSTiNG FOR THE SAKE OF iT

so, what did you lot have for breakfast?
i had a smoothie. mmm.
banana
plum
berries
cinnamon
LSA
tahini
flaxseed oil
soy milk.
*
did you know that rosemary is a great hair conditioner? especially for those of us with dark locks. it's also a natural treatment for dandruff.
boil together 5 cups of water (bottled if you don't live in christchurch or switzerland) and a cup of rosemary tips, let them simmer for about 20 mins and then strain the mixture into a sterilised, or at least very clean, stoppered bottle. use it about once a week as a rince after shampooing.
if you want it to look all fancy like, you can shove a sprig of rosemary in the bottle. and it's a good easy present.

MUSCLE-WOMAN

so, yeah, i started going to the gym last week. i've been maybe 4 times now. i don't hurt too much yet. i can't be bothered writing anything. here's something funny and sort of relevant though. go on. read it.
in other news, i hate my job and want to walk out but i'm too responsible. but not so responsible that i can hold my tongue when a customer is being a right cow. i escalated a situation tenfold yesterday by speaking my mind. oops. she's a regular pain in the arse, and i told her yesterday that maybe the problem was with her, not us. very inappropriate and i regretted it almost immediately as i realised i'd just made things worse for my workmates. doh.
aah well, fuck the lot of them.
i wrote a letter to vanessa the other day and i don't think she's going to get it. piss. and i'm all freaking out like about maybe moving north with girlie, committment. eek. eeeeek!

things i want right now:
a claw-foot bath filled with mango sorbet to recline in
a kiss
another holiday.

oh, in groundbreaking news, FruJu now do a feijoa/lime/guarana iceblock!